How To Be A Best Friend To A Woman In An Abusive Relationship

“It all starts with a key in the door. You never know what’s on the other side,” she said.

Those are the words of my friend ‘Grace’, whose husband was abusive. He never hit her, although he’d threaten her with violence.

But it was the verbal abuse that traumatised her; an emotional tsunami that only ended when she fled the house with her handbag and car keys. Feeling like she had nowhere to go, she slept in her car for two nights in an affluent Brisbane suburb, woken by a friendly policeman who knocked on her window, asking her if she was okay.

“No, I’m not,” she told him. “My husband is abusive. I can’t stay in the house.”

But when Grace explained that her scars are emotional and not physical, he shut her down.

“There’s not much we can do unless he’s hitting you,” said the well-meaning officer.

To the outside world, Grace’s husband was handsome and super-charming. Most people had no idea she was trapped in an abusive relationship because she only confided in two people. The verbal abuse was incredibly cruel. Sometimes it was screamed, other times it was whispered.

“I allowed him to treat me so poorly for far too many years resulting in anxiety and, eventually, a stroke. Now I realise his constant belittling was to compensate for his own anger and insecurities,” Grace said.